1130. A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd
made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd
eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally
she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the
whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her
lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he
found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"
1075. A lady walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist: "Do you have
Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Can you give it to me over the counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two."
2730. A man is on a trial for moonshining.
"So, do you testify you have been moonshining?" asks the judge.
"No, Your Honor."
"But the police have found this moonshine apparatus in your apartment!"
"In this case please also charge me with rape."
"You have also raped someone?"
"No, but I have the apparatus!"