1767. Five men end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female around is
a gorilla on the other end of the island. After one whole month the guys
are all sitting around and Garry stands up and says, "I'm so horny, I
can't take it anymore!" So he grabs a bag and storms off to the other
side of the island with his pals right behind him. They catch the
gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and Garry puts the bag over the
gorilla's head. He climbs on top of the gorilla and begins to do the
nasty. The gorilla fights and struggles and finally gets an arm free and
she wraps it around Garry's back. Then she gets both feet free and wraps
them around Garry's waist. She gets her other arm free and grabs on to
his hips and starts pulling him in harder and harder. Garry yells to his
buddies..."Get it off! Get it off! They said, "You're on top, we
can't get her off of you." Garry said..."No, I mean the bag..I want to
kiss the bitch!"

1002. Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly
irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how
horrible the circumstance, he would always reply "It could have
been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends
decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible,
that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you
hear about Tom?"
"He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another
man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!"
"That's awful," said Frank, "but it could have been worse."
"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "could it have
been worse?"
"Well," replied Frank, "if it happened the night before, I'd be
dead now!"

1366. "Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a
nickel."
- MGM executive, advising against investing in
Gone With The Wind.

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